Setbacks and tears

Everybody says he looks like Will or Brad, but I think he looks like a Gibbs! This is me as a newborn. Sorry I can't get this turned the right way.

What do you think?

My brother Joseph (who gave Reed his first nickname - "Speedy Reedy" because he came so early and so fast) came by to meet Reed for the first time. Joseph was born at 34 weeks and got to go home after just 8 days!

We were hoping Reed was coming home in the next couple of days. I knew not to get my hopes up but it's hard not to when Dr. Miller mentioned the possibility of being discharged this weekend or at the beginning of the week. When I called Saturday morning the nurse told me that after almost 5 days of being apnea free (they have to make it 5-7 with no spells before going home), Reed had a spell requiring stimulation. I tried not to lose it, but I sort of did. It is definitely not the first time I have cried on the phone with one of his nurses and probably won't be the last. I was already in a fragile state because my husband, parents and in-laws had all left town for the day and I didn't realize until that morning that they were all gone. The nurse said she would talk to Dr. Miller for me since I couldn't get up there and then when I called back after lunch, she had already left for the day. I asked the nurse who was there if she knew what the doctor said. She didn't but had overheard him tell another mom that they want to see the baby go 7 days without apnea before letting them go home. I made it till I hung up the phone then lost it again. I was so upset thinking about going another week without him home. And I was frustrated his nurse hadn't told me she'd be leaving so early. I would have called to followup sooner to hear what the doctor said and now I'd have to wait till the next day and hope to catch him. The good news is that he is still eating well and maintaining his temp, so the only thing holding us back his apnea.

Will and I had a great morning. We went and dropped several bags of clothes off at a local charity from me cleaning out the guestroom closet (before Reed was born - I haven't had that kind of time!) and went and got his haircut. Then we went to Target where I exchanged his size 5 diapers we just bought for size 6! It is amazing how they can grow overnight. He had worn size 5 for so long and all of a sudden they are a bit to small. We also found some dark brown curtains for Reed's room. It felt good to get some things done and spend time with him. He fought his nap for an hour, crying for half that time. I sat in Reed's room and boohooed. But then Will made me laugh because he heard the dogs bark and inbetween some cries I heard him growling! He is such a funny boy.

A friend from church had told me she would keep Will after his nap so I could go see Reed but after he was finally down for his nap I realized that by the time I could get him to their house then to the hospital, I would only be able to stay for an hour before coming back home to meet some other friends from church who were bringing dinner by. So I started calling other people from church for a last minute babysitter, figuring that would be easier and I could just stay with Reed through Will going to bed. I called the first one and talked to her mom. She asked how I was and I said 'ok' then she asked "How is that sweet baby?" Lost it again. Through sobs I told her I hadn't seen him at all today. Her daughter wasn't home but she gave me one of her friend's number. I called our other sitter and got her mom as well and she asked me the same questions. I really thought I could control it but these hormones are powerful! I lost it again. She got in touch with her daughter and within and hour she was at our house. I have never been so happy to pay somebody to watch Will!

Being with Reed was such a mood-lifter. It had been over 24 hours again since I had seen him and having him in my arms again just felt so wondeful. I didn't shed another tear until this morning! And that was in church, so thats ok. Between crying on the phone with the nurse, Brad and my mom a few times, and the 3 ladies from church, I should be pretty low on salt!